An Olympic Champion Goes in Search of a New Identity

There is a shelf at Carissa Moore’s home in Honolulu where she keeps her journals. She has carried blank pages around the globe since she was a little girl, scribbling her thoughts and worries and goals as she became one of the best surfers in the world.

She still does it.

This year, knowing that she was going to retire from competition, she wrote a new goal: Face your fears.

Moore is 31. She is a five-time world champion and current defender of an Olympic gold medal. Now she wants to start a family with her husband, Luke Untermann. She wants to extract herself from the loose structure and warm cocoon of her sport’s global tour, to redefine success on her own terms and in her own mind.

She wants to be challenged in a different way, even though the easiest thing might be to stick around.

“All those wins, the competitive part that’s so much of my identity, I’m taking that away, and I’m facing myself this year,” she said. “And that’s scary. Like, who am I? Am I going to be OK? Will I be able to love myself and think that I’m worthy without this?”

Moore reflects a newer generation of athlete that openly discusses mental health and self-care. The superhero mystique placed upon the best athletes is a veneer, we all know.